Help for Various Marriage Problems
Problems in marriages can range from minor to serious to crisis-level, with each demanding a different kind of help. The following examples illustrate how wide-ranging marriage problems can be. It’s important to realize that help is available at all levels and can turn even a hopeless-looking situation around in a radical way.
Yinka and Mary aren’t communicating like they used to. They disagree often about how to discipline their kids, and they spend less time together. Finally, they recognize the need to refresh their marriage and attend a marriage seminar together. At home, they begin to find success implementing the tools they developed.
Shola and Yetunde are either fighting or withdrawing, and Shola has threatened Yetunde several times to pack her things, several times Shola would call Yetunde’s mother to talk to her daughter. It becomes clear to both of them that their marriage will not survive without making it a priority to learn to relate in healthy ways. Yetunde seek counsel from friends who are young and single which yielded into creating more issues in her home.
Sandra is devastated to learn that Tunde has had an extramarital affair which has resulted in a male child despite her not having a male child. At first, she is ready to divorce him. She packs out of the house. But in time, she realizes that she wants to fight for her marriage so she comes back. He wants to rebuild their relationship, too. She insists on a not having the child in her home as the mother of the child wants Tunde to take care of his child, this causes more issues and after serious of intervention of Tunde’s family she accepts, but what next?
Diagnosing the Core Problem
Though problems such as those described above are common in marriage in our society, they can move from normal to abnormal in a short time period. If problems in your marriage have become unmanageable, unhealthy and destructive, or cause extreme emotional distress, you may need someone from outside your marriage to help provide objective help – someone who can address the root problem and not simply the presenting issue, that is, the apparent problem and at times you just have to talk to God, practically you need to look back at how it was when you started the question is what was I doing then that Tunde did not adulterate? Why is Wale drinking so much all of a sudden? Why is Sandra not contented with what I give her all of a sudden? All these and several questions are what comes into play and you must be able to answer them.
For example, you may feel your spouse no longer cares about you, but the core issue may be that you have said or done something that deeply hurt him or her. The presenting problem might be financial in nature, such as your spouse failing to control his or her spending, or each of you failing to communicate about what is permitted or not permitted regarding spending limits. The core issue may be not communicating properly or setting appropriate boundaries.
The Bottom Line
If a problem causes considerable distress and you do not seem to be making progress addressing it, approach the problem from a different angle. One of the recommendations for ongoing, unmanageable problems would be to visit a licensed marriage counselor or take your partner out of their normal environment, somewhere cool, serene, with a lot of ambience, quiet, with a lot of stars and then ask questions, talk to each other, relieve all that stress both of you might have been passing through. If you will be talking to someone maybe a family member or a counselor it’s best to work with someone rooted in your beliefs, someone to complement your ethics and morals – someone professionally trained to work with relationship issues for a counselor. Not every counselor is trained to deal with complicated relationship problems, nor does every counselor hold to basic moral values of our society.
This Valentine season is just the right time, take your partner out. Don’t worry about the kids, thank God it’s a Sunday, pray and God will bless your family, chat and solve your issues, wine and dine and fulfill your marital desires.